


MY (HICOLAS) IMMORTAL

by WhoIsTab



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band), National Treasure (Movies), One Direction (Band)
Genre: Crack, M/M, My Immortal - Freeform, My Immortal AU, hicolas, listne i translated up to chapter 12, read it, shitpost, unrequited larry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-27
Updated: 2016-11-27
Packaged: 2018-09-02 13:08:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,168
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8668744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhoIsTab/pseuds/WhoIsTab
Summary: in a dark dark world, one person (me), one dream, one fic.... and the Harry Styles/ Nicolas Cage AU was born. and only the shittiest of OTPs can deserve the great title of...... My Immortal......,,.,,.,...,..,





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [god](https://archiveofourown.org/users/god/gifts).



Hi my name is Harry Glitter’ness Golden Rainbo Styles and i have long auburn brown hair (that’s how I got my name) with rainbow streaks and gold tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me I look like a young Mick Jaggre (AN: if u don’t know who he is get da hell out of here!). I’m not related to Kendel Jenner but I wish I was because she’s a major fucking hottie. I’m a vampire but my teeth are straight and white. I have pale white skin. I’m also a witch, and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England where I’m in the seventh year (I’m seventeen). I’m a boybander (in case you couldn’t tell) and I wear mostly black. I love YSL and I buy all my clothes from there. For example today I was wearing a black YSL button down shirt with matching cuffs around it and a black leather pair of skinny jeans, pink polka dot socks and glittery heeled boots. I was wearing cherry chapstick, white foundation, brown eyeliner and cream eye shadow. I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. A lot of haters stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them.

“Hey Harry!” shouted a voice. I looked up. It was…. Nicolas Cage!

“What’s up Nicolas Cage?” I asked.

“Nothing.” he said shyly.

But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away.

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The next day I woke up in my bedroom. It was snowing and raining again. I opened the door of my coffin and drank some apple juice from a juice box I had. My coffin was covered in a rainbow flag and inside it was hot pink velvet with gold lace on the ends. I got out of my coffin and took of my giant boyband t-shirt which I used for pajamas. Instead, I put on a YSL suit, a gold necklace, heeled boots and green with blue polka dot socks on. I put on four pairs of earrings in my pierced ears, and put my hair in a kind of messy bun.

My friend, Zayn (AN: Zayn dis is u!) woke up then and grinned at me. He flipped his shaggy forehead-length raven black hair with pink streaks and opened his chocolat-brown eyes. He put on his boyband t-shirt with black skinnies, socks and pointy toed shoes. We put on our makeup (cherry chapstick white foundation and brown eyeliner.)

“OMFG, I saw you talking to Nicolas Cage yesterday!” He said excitedly.

“Yeah? So?” I said, blushing.

“Do you like Nicolas Cage?” she asked as we went out of the Slytherin common room and into the Great Hall.

“No I so fucking don’t!” I shouted.

“Yeah right!” she exclaimed. Just then, Nicolas Cage walked up to me.

“Hi.” he said.

“Hi.” I replied flirtily.

“Guess what.” he said.

“What?” I asked.

“Well, A boyband is having a concert in Hogsmeade.” he told me.

“Oh. My. Fucking. God!” I screamed. I love boybands. They are my favorite bands, besides Mick Jagger.

“Well…. do you want to go with me?” he asked.

I gasped.

Chapter 3.  
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On the night of the concert I put on my black lace-up boots with heels. Underneath them were red polka dot socks. Then I put on a black YSL suit with buttons down the front and the sleeves. I put on matching pants on my legs. I slicked my hair and made it look all sexy. I felt a little sad then, so I looked up pictures of gay people. I read a gay book while I waited for it to stop loading and I listened to some boyband music. I painted my nails clear and put on TONS of foundation. Then I put on some cherry chapstick. I didn’t put on eyeliner because I had big eyes anyway. I drank some juice boxes so I was ready to go to the concert.

I went outside. Nicolas Cage was waiting there in front of his flying car. He was wearing a declaration of independence t-shirt (they would read that at the show too), baggy blue mom jeans, clear nail polish and a little eyeliner (AN: A lot fo kewl boiz wer it ok!).

“Hi Nicolas Cage!” I said in a gay voice.

“Hi Harry.” he said back. We walked into his flying black Mercedes-Benz (the license plate said 666) and flew to the place with the concert. On the way we listened excitedly to boybands and presidential speeches. We both smoked cigarettes and drugs. When we got there, we both hopped out of the car. We went to the mosh pit at the front of the stage and jumped up and down as we listened to the declaration of independence.

“We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness..” Said the founding fathers. (I don’t own da words 2 dat document).

“The founding fathers are so fucking hot.” I said to Nicolas Cage, pointing to them as they spoke, filling the club with their amazing voices.

Suddenly Nicolas Cage looked sad.

“What’s wrong?” I asked as we moshed to the speech. Then I caught on.

“Hey, it’s ok I don’t like them better than YOU!” I said.

“Really?” asked Nicolas Cage sensitively and he put his arm around me all protective.

“Really.” I said. “Besides I don’t even know the founding fathers and they’re going out with the Grim fucking Reaper. I fucking hate that little bitch.” I said disgustedly, thinking of their ugly dead face.

The night went on really well, and I had a great time. So did Nicolas Cage. After the concert, we drank some beer and he asked Benjamin Franklin and Tomas Jefferson for their autographs and photos with them. We got declaration of independence concert tees. Nicolas Cage and I crawled back into the Mercedes-Benz, but Nicolas Cage didn’t go back into Hogwarts, instead he drove the car into……………………… the Forbidden Forest!

Chapter 4.

AN: I sed stup flaming ok Harry’s name is HARRU nut mary su OK! NICOLAS CAGE IS SOO IN LUV wif him dat he is acting defrent! dey nu eechodder b4 ok!

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“NICOLAS CAGE!” I shouted. “What the fuck do you think you are doing?”

Nicolas Cage didn’t answer but he stopped the flying car and he walked out of it. I walked out of it too, curiously.

“What the fucking hell?” I asked angrily.

“Harry?” he asked.

“What?” I snapped.

Nicolas Cage leaned in extra-close and I looked into his prideful rainbow eyes (he was wearing color contacts) which revealed so much exciting happiness and gayness and then suddenly I didn’t feel mad anymore.

And then…………… suddenly just as I Nicolas Cage kissed me passionately. Nicolas Cage climbed on top of me and we started to make out keenly against a tree. He took of my top and I took of his clothes. I even took of my boots. Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what butt and we did it for the first time.

“Oh! Oh! Oh! ” I screamed. I was beginning to get an orgasm. We started to kiss everywhere and my pale body became all warm. And then….

“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!”

It was…………………………………………………….SIOMON COWELLL!

Chapter 5.

AN: STOP flaming! if u flam it menz ur a punkrawk or a posr! Da only reson SIOMON swor is coz he had a hedache ok an on tup of dat he wuz mad at dem 4 having sexx! PS im nut updating umtil I get five good revoiws!

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Siomon Cowelll made and Nicolas Cage and I follow him. He kept shouting at us angrily.

“You ludacris fools!” he shouted.

I started to cry tears of salty water down my shimmering face. Nicolas Cage comforted me. When we went back to the castle Siomon Cowelll took us to Professor Ian Howe and Professor Agent Peter Sadusky who were both looking very angry.

“They were having sexual intercourse in the Forbidden Forest!” he yelled in a furious voice.

“Why did you do such a thing, you mediocre dunces?” asked Professor Agent Peter Sadusky.

“How dare you?” demanded Professor Ian Howe .

And then Nicolas Cage shrieked. “BECAUSE I LOVE Him!”

Everyone was quiet. Siomon Cowelll and Professor Agent Peter Sadusky still looked mad but Professor Ian Howe said. “Fine. Very well. You may go up to your rooms.”

Nicolas Cage and I went upstairs while the teachers glared at us.

“Are you okay, Harry?” Nicolas Cage asked me gently.

“Yeah I guess.” I lied. I went to the boys’s dorm and brushed my teeth and my hair and changed into a half-unbuttoned sheer shirt with red print all around it and glittered heeled boots. When I came out….

Nicolas Cage was standing in front of the bathroom, and he started to say ‘In God We TRust’ by the americaann government. I was so flattered, even though he wasn’t supposed to be there. We hugged and kissed. After that, we said goodnight and he reluctantly went back into his room.

Chapter 6.

AN: shjt up punkrawk  
z ok! PS I wnot update ubtil u give me goood revows!

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The next day I woke up in my coffin. I put on a black YSL t-shirt that was all ripped around the end and a matching pocket with red hearts all over it and heeled boots that were glittery. I put on two pairs of polka dot socks, and two crosses in my pendat necklaces. I spray-painted my hair with glitter.

In the Great Hall, I ate some Count Chocula cereal with chocolate milk instead of milk, and a juice box. Suddenly someone bumped into me. All the apple juice squirted all over my top.

“Cock!” I shouted angrily. I regretted saying it when I looked up cause I was looking into the pale white face of an englsih boy with fringey brown hair with brown streaks in it. He was wearing so much blush that I was going down his face and he was wearing cute gliter lipstick. He didn’t have glasses anymore and now he was wearing rainbow contact lenses just like Nicolas Cage’s and there was no lines on his forhead anymore. He had a manly stubble on his chin. He had a sexy English accent. He looked exactly like david bekahm. He was so sexy that my body went all hot when I saw him kind of like an erection only I’m a straight (jk) so I didn’t get one you sicko (jk I totaly had an erection).

“I’m so sorry.” he said in a shy voice.

“That’s all right. What’s your name?” I questioned.

“My name’s Liam Payner, although most people call me Vampire these days.” he grumbled.

“Why?” I exclaimed.

“Because I love the taste of apple juice.” he giggled.

“Well, I am a vampire.” I confessed.

“Really?” he whimpered.

“Yeah.” I roared.

We sat down to talk for a while. Then Nicolas Cage came up behind me and told me he had a surprise for me so I went away with him.

Chapter 7. Bring me 2 life

AN: wel ok u guyz im only writting dis cuz I got 5 god reviuws. n BTW I wont rite da nxt chapter til I git TIN god vons! STO FLAMING OR ILL REPORT U! Harru isn’t a Marie Sue ok he isn’t perfect HES A SATANITS! n he has problemz hes a happi harru only sumtimez 4 godz sake!

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Nicolas Cage and I held our pale white hands with clear nail polish as we went upstairs. I was wearing big gold rings on all my fingers but the marriage finger(AN: c doez dat sound lik a Maru Sue 2 u?). I waved to Vampire. Shining happy light was in his smiling eyes. I guess he was jealous of me that I was going out with Nicolas Cage. Anyway, I went upstairs excitedly with Nicolas Cage. We went into his room and locked the door. Then…………

We started frenching passively and we took off each others clothes enthusiastically. He felt me up before I took of my top. Then I took off my black leather harness and he took off his pants. We went on the bed and started making out naked and then he put his boy’s thingy in my butt plaace and we HAD SEX. (c is dat stupid?)

“Oh Nicolas Cage, Nicolas Cage!” I screamed while getting an orgasm when all of a sudden I saw a tattoo I had never seen before on Nicolas Cage’s arm. It was a big pink heart with an arrow through it. On it in rainbow comic sans were the words………… Vampire!

I was so angry.

“You cock!” I shouted angrily, jumping out of the bed.

“No! No! But you don’t understand!” Nicolas Cage pleaded. But I knew too much.

“No, you fucking idiot!” I shouted. “You probably have STDs anyway!”

I put on my clothes all huffily and then stomped out. Nicolas Cage ran out even though he was naked. He had a really big you-know-what but I was too mad to care. I stomped out and did so until I was in Vampire’s classroom where he was having a lesson with Professor Ian Howe and some other people.

“VAMPIRE PAYNER, YOU MOTHERFUCKER!” I yelled.

Chapter 8.

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Everyone in the class stared at me and then Nicolas Cage came into the room even though he was naked and started begging me to take him back.

“Harry, it’s not what you think!” Nicolas Cage screamed sadly.

My friend F’uckin Louis Tomlinson smiled at me understatedly. He flipped his long forehead length fringe and opened his starlight eyes like stars that he was wearing contact lenses on. He had pale white skin that he was wearing glittery makeup on. Louis was kidnapped when he was born. His real parents are werewolves and one of them is a witch but Siomon Cowelll’s secret twin killed his mother and his father committed suicide because he was depressed about it. He still has nightmares about it and he is very haunted and depressed but still happy and lovley and the best friend I could ever have ever. It also turns out his real last name is Tomlinson and not anything elsse.   
“What is it that you desire, you ridiculous dimwit!” Ian Howe demeaned angrily in his cold voice but I ignored him.

“Vampire, I can’t believe you cheated on me with Nicolas Cage!” I shouted at him.

Everyone gasped.

I don’t know why Harry was so mad at me. I had went out with Vampire (I’m pansexual and so is Harry) for a while but then he broke my heart. He dumped me because he liked the Grim Reaper, a stupid dead zombie. We were just good friends now. He had gone through horrible problems, and now he was sad but also happy. (Haha, like I would hang out with a punkrawk.)

“But I’m not going out with Nicolas Cage anymore!” said Vampire.

“Yeah fucking right! Fuck off, you bastard!” I screamed. I ran out of the room and into the Forbidden Forest where I had lost my virility to Nicolas Cage and then I started to bust into tears.

Chapter 9.

AN: stop flaming ok! I dntn red all da boox! dis is frum da movie ok so itz nut my folt if siomon cowelll swers! besuizds I SED HE HAD A HEDACHE! and da reson snap dosent lik harry now is coz hes christian and vampire is a satanist! BOYBANDZ ROX!

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I was so mad and sad. I couldn’t believe Nicolas Cage for cheating on me. I began to cry against the tree where I did it with Nicolas Cage.

Then all of a suddenly, an horrible man with red eyes and no nose and everything started flying towards me on a unicorn! He had a bad nose job (basically like Siomon Cowelll’s twin in real life) and he was wearing all black but it was obvious he wasn’t part of a punk rowk band. It was…… Siomon Cowelll’s twin!

“No!” I shouted in a scared voice but then Siomon Cowelll’s twin shouted “NIPPLES!” and I couldn’t run away.

“Cock!” I shouted at him. Siomon Cowelll’s twin fell of his unicorn and started to scream. I felt bad for him even though I’m a sadist so I stopped.

“Harry.” he yelled. “Thou must kill Vampire Payne!”

I thought about Vampire and his sexah eyes and his flippy brown hair and how his face looks just like david beckyerm. I remembered that Nicolas Cage had said I didn’t understand, so I thought, what if Nicolas Cage went out with Vampire before I went out with him and they broke up?

“No, Siomon Cowelll’s twin!” I shouted back.

Siomon Cowelll’s twin gave me a gun. “No! Please!” I begged.

“Thou must!” he yelled. “If thou does not, then I shall kill thy beloved Nicolas Cage!”

“How did you know?” I asked in a surprised way.

Siomon Cowelll’s twin got a dude-ur-so-gross look on his face. “I hath telekinesis.” he answered cruelly. “And if you doth not kill Vampire, then thou know what will happen to Nicolas Cage!” he shouted. Then he flew away angrily on his unicorn.

I was so scared and mad I didn’t know what to do. Suddenly Nicolas Cage came into the woods.

“Nicolas Cage!” I said. “Hi!”

“Hi.” he said back but his face was all sad. He was wearing white foundation and striped eyeliner kind of like a pride flag (geddit) between daved bekem and Mik Jaggere.

“Are you okay?” I asked.

“No.” he answered.

“I’m sorry I got all mad at you but I thought you cheated on me.” I expelled.

“That’s okay.” he said all depressed and we went back into Hogwarts together making out.

Chapter 10.

AN: stup it u straighties if u donot lik ma story den fukk off! ps it turnz out f’uckin louis isn’t a muggle afert al!!!! n she n vampire r evil datz y dey movd houses ok!

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I was really scared about Siomon Cowellls twin all day. I was even upset went to rehearsals with my poprock boy band 1 Direction. I am the hot singer in it and I write all the good songs too. People say that we sound like a cross between the best thing theve ever heard, The Backstreet Bois, and THE BEST THING THEVE EVER HEARD. The other people in the band are F’uckin Louis, Vampire, Zayn, and Niall (although we call him Potato now. He has dyed blonde hair now with brown streaks in it.) and sum random punkrawk. Only today Nicolas Cage and Vampire were not gay enough so they weren’t coming today and i wrote more songs instead. I knew Nicolas Cage was probably listning to jazz (he wouldn’t die because he was a vampire too and the only way you can kill a boybanfd is with a s-o-l-o a-l-b-u-m (there’s no way I’m writing that) or a steak) and Vampire was probably watching an lgbt documentary like GBF (an; thatz gay best freind if ur a hater an don kno!!!! realist movie eva on netflixz 10/10). I put on a black leather shirt that showed off my tits and black geometric skinny dress pants that were tight on the butt. You might think I’m a slut but I’m really not.

We were singing a cover of ‘You Found Me’ and at the end of the song I suddenly bust into tears.

“HArry! Are you OK?” F’uckin Louis asked in a concerted voice.

“What the fuck do you think?” I asked angrily. And then I said. “Well, Siomon Cowell’s twin came and the fucking bastard told me to fucking kill Liam! But I don’t want to kill him, because, he’s really nice, even if he did go out with Nicolas Cage. But if I don’t kill Liam, then Siomonn’s twin, will fucking kill Nicolas Cage!” I burst into tears.  
Suddenly Nicolas Cage jumped out from behind a wall.

“Why didn’t you fucking tell me!” he shouted. “How could you- you- you fucking poser muggle bitch!” (c is dat out of character?)

I started to cry and cry. Nicolas Cage started to cry too all sensitive. Then he ran out crying.

We practiced for one more hour. Then suddenly Ian Howe walked in angrily! His eyes were all fiery and I knew this time it wasn’t cause he had a headache.

“What have you done!” He started to cry wisely. (c dats basically nut swering and dis time he wuz relly upset n u wil c y) “Harry, Nicolas Cage has been found in his room. He committed suicide by ingesting industrial amounts of glitter.”

Chapter 11.

AN: i sed stup flaming up punkrawkz! c if dis chaptr is srupid!1111 it delz wit rly sris issus! sp c 4 urself if itz ztupid brw fangz 2 ma frend raven 4 hleping me!

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“NO!” I screamed. I was horrorfied! F’uckin Louis tried to comfort me but I told her fuck off (even tho im secretly n lov wif her!!1!) and I ran to my room crying myself. Dumbledore chased after me shouting but he had to stop when I went into my room cause he would look like a perv that way.

Anyway, I started crying tears of salty water and then I swallowed a lot of glitter. It got all over my clothes so I took them off and jumped into the bath with a rainbow bath bomb angrily while I put on a Mick Jacket song at full volume. I grabbed a solo allbum and almost listened to it into my heart toinspire me to go solo. I was so fucking not happy! I got out of the bathtub and put on a black low-cut sheer dress shirt with lace all over it sadly. I put on black high heeled boots with rainbow heels on the ends and six pairs of pride flag earrings. I couldn’t fucking believe it. Then I looked out the window and screamed… Ian Howe was spying on me and he was taking a video tape of me! And siomon cowells twin’s clone was trying to make money off of it! They were sitting on the same unicorn together all at once.

“EW, YOU FUCKING PERVS, STOP LOOKING AT ME! ARE YOU PERVS OR WHAT!” I screamed putting on a black robe with a Harry monogram on it. Suddenly Vampire ran in.

“Abra Kedavra!” he yelled at Ian Howe and siomon cowells twin’s clone pointing his wan. I took my gun and shot them a gazillion times and they both started screaming and the camera broke. Suddenly, Dumblydore ran in. “HArry, it has been revealed that someone has - NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” he shouted looking at sionmon cowells twins clone and th other guy. then he waved his wand and suddenly…

5SOS ran outside on his legs and said everyone we need to talk.

“What do you know, 5SOS? You’re just a little australian Hogwarts students transfers!”

“I MAY BE A HOGWARTS STUDENTs TRANSFERS….” 5SOS paused angrily. “BUT I AM ALSO A BELIEVER LIKE MY FATHER SMASH MOUTH!”

“This cannot be.” Siomon cowells twins clone said in a crisp voice as apple juice dripped from his hand where Dumblydore’s wand had shot him. “There must be other factors.”

“YOU DON’T HAVE ANY!” I yelled in madly.

Ian Hoe held up the camera triumelephantly. “The lens may be ruined but the tape is still there!”

I felt faint, more than I normally do like how it feels when you do not drink enough apple juice

“Why are you doing this?” Ian Howe said angrily while he rubbed his dirty hands on his clook.

And then I heard the words that I had heard before but not from him. I did not know whether to feel shocked and happy or to open a juice box and drink his apple juice because I felt faint.

“BECAUSE…BECAUSE….” 5SOS said and they paused in the air dramitaclly, waving his wand in the air. Then swooped he in singing to the tune of a rock version of a song I wrote.

“Because you’re a boybander?” sionom cowells twins clone asked in a little afraid voice cause he was afraind it meant he was connected with siomon himself (an: he don’t kno his twin haz a clon!!).

“Because I LOVE HIM!”

Chapter 12.

AN: stop f,aing ok 5SOS is a real band 2 a lot of ppl in asutaylian skoolz r lik dat I wunted 2 adres da ishu! how du u no satan coewlrds twinz clone iant kristian plus 5SOS isn’t really in luv wif HARRU dat was fake af ok!

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I was about to eat glitter again with the silver spoon that Nicotlas CAge had given me in case anything happened to him. He had told me to use it valiantly against an enemy but I knew that we must both go together.

“NO!” I THOUGHT IT WAS FIVESOS but it was Vampire. He started to scream. “OMFG! NOOOOO! MY HEART HURTS!” and then….. his eyes rolled up! You could only see his rainbow whites.

I stopped. “How did u know?”

“I saw it! And my heart turned back into the hart shape!”

“NO!” I ran up closer. “I thought you didn’t have a heart anymore!” I shouted.

“I do but Potato changed it into a pride flag for me and I always cover it up with foundation.” he said back. “Anyway my heart hurt and it turned back into the heart! Save me! then I had a vision of what was happening to NICkolas Cage…………….SIOMON COWELLS TWIN has him bondage!”

Anyway I was in the school nurse’s office now recovering from my glittery stomach. Snap and siomon cowl twins clone and 5sOOS were there too. They were going to St. Mango’s after they recovered cause they were pervs and greedy and you can’t have those fucking pervs teaching in a school with lots of hot boybanderz!!. Dumbledore had conspicuatied the cideo camera they took of me in my robe. I put up my middle finger at them.

Anyway %SOS came into my hospital bed holding a bouquet of blavk roses.

“HArry I need to tell u somethnig.” he said in a v. serious voice, giving me the roses.

“Fuck off.” I told him. “You know I fucking hate the color blak anyway, and I don’t like fucked up punkrawks like you.” I snapped. 5soos had been mean to me before for being a boybander.

“No HArru.” Some randum guy says. “Those are not roses.”

“What, are they boibandeys too you punkrawk?” I asked cause I was angry that he had brought me black roses.

“I saved your life!” He yelled angrily. “No you didn’t I replied.” “You saved menothinig.”

“Whatever!” I yelled angirly.

He pointed his wand at the bslvk roses. “These aren’t roses.” He suddenly looked at them with an glittery look in his eye and muttered Well If you wanted Honesty that’s all you haD TO SAY! .

“That’s not a spell that’s an Beathles song song.” I corrected him wisely.

“I know, I was just warming up my vocal cordes.” Then he screamed. “Petulus merengo mi yerllo sumbarino (4 all u cool bander batles fans out, there, that is a tribute! specially for raven I love you girl!) unduero tha seaao !”

And then the roses turned into a huge black flame floating in the middle of the air. And it was rainbows. Now I knew he wasn’t a punkrawk

“OK I believe you now wtf is 5soons?”

5SOONS rolled their eyes. I looked into the balls of rainboe flame but I could c nothing.

“U c, Hairy,” Dumblydore said, watching the two of us watching the flame. “2 c wht iz n da flmes(HAHA U REVIEWRS FLAMES GEDDIT) u mst find urslf 1st, k?”

“I HAVE FOUND MYSELF OK YOU MEAN OLD MAN!” 5sos yelled. dUMBLydore lookd shockd. I guess he didn’t have a headache or else he would have said something back.

5sos stormed off back into their bunkbeds. “U r a liar, prof dumbledoree!”

Anyway when I got better I went upstairs and put on a black leather sherr top (but I didn’t button it at all) that was all ripped on the ends with lace on it. There was some glittery velvet stuff on the front. Then I put on black skinnies and glittey boots with pictures of mickey jagged on them. I put my hair all out around me so I looked like tarzan (if u don’t know who he iz ur a punkrawk so fuk off! Wach sum Disney moveescoolio?) and I put on apple-red lipstick, black eyeliner and black lip gloss.

“You look hot harry.” F’uckin Louis sang to me. “Fangs (geddit) you do too.” I said sang back too, but I was still upset. I opened 16 juice boxes, totally depressed and I sucked all the apple juice. I cried again in my bathroom and put the shades on so siomons cowells twins clone and the oter man couldn’t spy on me this time. I went to some classes. Vampire was in the Hair of Magical Magic Creatures. He looked all depressed because Nicolas Cage had disappeared and he had used to be in love with Dnicolas cage. He was stealing apple juice from a Hufflepuff.

“Hi.” he said in a depressed way. “Hi back.” I singingly shreeiked back, hitting a perfect women’s high C.

We both looked at each other for some time. Harry had beautiful rainbow glittery sparkly eyes so much like Nicolas Cage. Then……… we jumped on each other and started screwing each other.

“STOP IT NOW YOU GAY WIZARDS!” shouted Professor McGoogle who was watching us and so was everyone else.

“Vampire you fucker!” I said slapping him. “Stop trying to screw me. You know I loved Nicolas Cage rest in peaces babe!” I shouted and then I ran away angrily.

Just then he started to scream. “OMFG! NOOOOO! MY HEART HURTS!” and then….. his eyes rolled up! You could only see his red whites.

“NO!” I ran up closer.

“I thought you didn’t have a HEART anymore!” I shouted.

“I do but POTato changed it into a pride flag for me and I always cover it up with glitter.” he said back. “Anyway my heart hurt and then I had a vision of what was happening to NICOAs CAge…………….Sionmon cowelllls twIN has him bondage!”

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SPECIAL FANGZ 2 RAVEN MY GOFFIX APPL JOOCIE SISTA WTF UR SUPPOZD 2 RIT DIS!11111111

HEY RAVEN DO U KNOW WHERE MY SWEATER Iz????????????///????


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